Choreographer

I stand on stage
I could be a corpse-
a mannequin-
with rubber arms
but you wouldn’t notice
because I can put on a good show.
I wear torn clothes
to represent my struggle
and you see style.
I have the tormenting aftertaste of
success,
and you’ll still see the biggest smile.
I’ll make you never guess
how I’m weighed down by a story
Because once the lights come on
My feet will move swiftly
And in all their glory...

 

No one ever told me specifically
that I could be all I want to be
I heard the line said,
but to the boy next to me.
You see what I really wanted to do
was popping and locking
but then I found all THEY wanted
was face dropping
and booty hopping

I heard the music like it was made for me
and danced to it
like it was meant to be
but being female isn't so easy
when all men would see
was a girl "tryna" be like them
and that wasn't pretty

I could do a
so-de-basque
and triple pirouette
then jump into the cypher and
make people regret
ever battling me

what they didn’t see was
I was self-supported
and sometimes discarded
I guess G-d didn’t want my life to be too easy
so I leaped over obstacles
and landed my turns at the same time

and as success came my way

so did tragedy
but I refused to be another sad story
I wouldn’t fill any quota
No one would have that satisfaction...

My feet bleed for the audience
And I have a heart attack
But you can’t tell
Because it’s all in the posture

I remember seeing girls at parties
dropping it like it's hot
When I was sweating blood and tears
giving the moves
everything I got

I remember falling backwards
Because no one would support me
And swimming rivers
while drowning in everything from death
to miscommunication in the community
I even tried moving away from the city
but nothing was the same-
I was in jeans of denial
and they were ripping at the seams...
I had to uplift my students
even if it meant crushing some of my dreams...

I have back pains that go so deep
That only the roots of trees
know what I mean
shards of glass
twist my vertebrae in every which direction
but I hold myself well,
it’s all in the posture

I had a lot of re-trying
and reliving of things
They say third time’s a charm
but sometimes that time’s the most harmful
to the delicate human structure
and curious mind
I was dancing in one direction
while my fortunes were reaching a blind.

But let’s forget my health.

before ever receiving a paycheck
I would negotiate things with death
I would confront the devil
in the name of my students
because to see others trapped
and do nothing-
I couldn’t.
Yesterday those who loved me,
Are the ones who mug me.

You all hear me yelling
And you all want to know why
But did you know sometimes I'm crying
cuz being strong is tiring
That being me is a job like any other
I’m a teacher, friend, leader, AND mother

I stand on stage
pierced by eyes from the audience
and I’m enraged inside
but I can swallow my pride
The lights burn holes
And I flail helpless
And the audience claps
And I lose my breath
and gasp
And the audience claps
I scream through the
cat-cat- b'doom-cat- cat
They love it
It’s all in the posture...
You see I’m just a thirsty soul
And for me, dance is water.